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    Connection with Your Partner

    by Lynette Williams, LMFT

    This blog post is part of a series on connection written for Cedar Rapids Moms.  The original post can be found here.

    It can be tough to find time to stay connected to everyone in your life who is important to you. Often, your partner becomes less of a priority when your children need your constant attention and care. How does one make time for their partner when you are working so hard to parent together…and survive the fifty other tasks and priorities that crop up in daily life? Connection with your partner can fall to the bottom of the priority list – ironically, this is often because of your confidence in the strength of the relationship. Things that are working well don’t seem to need as much attention as the fires that need to be put out. But this is when the connection can start to fade.

    Bring Some Intention to Your Connection

    If you start to notice disconnection with your partner, what are some ways in which you can reprioritize your relationship and rebuilt your ties to each other? Many couples try to find time to spend alone together – whenever and however that feels possible to them. Try to embrace the idea of making it work for you, versus needing to follow a rigid schedule. Talk about things other than your children, daily tasks, or plans for the week. Spark up a conversation by sharing an article you read that day or what song is hitting the top of your playlist. This can help your connection feel fresh – different from the daily grind.

    Pay Attention to Love Languages

    Connection can also come from showing your partner love in the way that they best receive it. Often, we make attempts at connection but our partner may not feel it because it’s not “spoke” in the way that they feel loved. It is important to identify as a couple the ways in which each of you feels loved and connected, then as partners you can better target your efforts for connection. The love language categories include spending time quality time with one another, giving gifts, doing acts of service, showing physical intimacy, or using words of affirmation. Talk with each other to learn more about this – even having that conversation can become a point of connection!

    Making time for your partner will help increase your connection – even if it’s five minutes before breakfast or having a cup of tea together in the evening. Doing activities that are outside of your norm and honing in on your partner’s specific style of love are wonderful ways to bring intentionality and commitment to building a strong connection over time with the one you love.